Sometimes you just can’t fight it…
I’ve gotten a lot better at this anxiety thing. It hits and most of the time, I get it and can deal with it…even reason my way out of it. Logic solves most anxious moments.
It is so fucking hard to be an adult. An adult with things/people/animals to care for. It’s hard to have a family, immediate/extended/friendship-oriented. The more love you build into your life, the better it is, but the more there is at stake.
There is so much at stake. My heart hurts just thinking about it.
Yes, this is dramatic, but it’s also real. This is where my anxiety hits these days. I am terrified a lot of the time. And granted, we’ve had a few harrowing experiences these past few months (would explain but it’s just too late and I’ve got to go to bed soon) that warranted some fear and luckily resolved themselves well. But what if we’re not so lucky? What else does fate have in store for us? What if I lose everything?
I am terrified.
Sometimes I can really rationalize and talk myself out of it. But tonight, it’s too late and I’m too tired and I’ve seen and read too much and dealt with crap both silly and serious and I’m just….in it. It is there. And it is scary. And I’m trying to fight it, but it’s so hard.
It is so hard.