In the Saddle

the mother fucking boppy

So sleep has eluded me most nights pretty much this whole pregnancy. I’ve never been one to get up in the middle of the night to pee or anything like that, and anyone who’s been pregnant (or who has listened to me bitch about it) knows that that ends once you’re carrying a little one who likes to press and punch and sit on your bladder. I also get real sore on either side from laying on them all the time, so I usually rotate from one side, to my back with one or both sides propped up underneath, to the other side. So whatever sleep I am able to get is precious and necessary.

And what helps me do this? My full body Boppy pillow. A sanity-saver for me and the bane of Jonny’s existence these last almost eight months.

This thing can be used as a full length pillow for one side of your body or, as in my case, a little U-shaped thing to put on either side of your torso for simultaneous belly and back support. I love it. I need it. I can’t sleep without it. But it’s kind of fucking up my marriage.

I mean, not really…Jonny and I are totally fine…but nighttime cuddles or even affection have become difficult because this giant pillow is in the way. The most Jonny can really do is put his hand on my shoulder or my belly, and that’s just weird. Plus, it makes our normally fine queen sized bed seem very very small and confines Jonny to a much smaller space on his side. And as kind of a tosser and turner, this makes it hard for him, as he usually migrates over to my side at some point during the night. Sometimes he’ll utilize the Boppy without even realizing it…if I’m laying on the left side of it, then he has access to the right and he snuggles up on it (a replacement for me?), but that ends the minute one of my rotations begins and I promptly kick him off and back over to his side of the bed. Poor guy.

Suffice it to say, this thing is a huge help for a pregnant lady (or probably anyone with back problems), but I know that certain husbands will be very very happy when it gets put away for good.

We’ve been putting it on top of our closet during apartment showings (did I mention we’re on the market??) and one night, when I asked Jonny to get it down for bedtime, he was like, ooooooh noooooo…the Boppy pillow! I don’t know where it went! Huh. I guess you can’t use it. Tooo baaad.

Of course, I was all, heh heh…nice try. Now give me the mother fucking Boppy.

And so he did. Sigh. Again….poor guy.