In the Saddle

The drill, these days…

I haven’t really written in a while…there’s been so much going on it’s insane and I’m also strangely completely inarticulate of late. Oh well. Baby brain. Well, here goes…this is what’s been happenin’ round these parts:

• I’ve reached it. That moment. That stage. As Ousia Bordereaux so wisely put it in Steel Magnolias—I have found it. I am in hell. And hell is the last two months of pregnancy. The good news is…you know that left side pain I’d had in my fourth and fifth months…they one where they checked all sorts of stuff and thought it was trapped gas and all that other interesting stuff? Well, it’s back, in FULL FORCE. And it’s been determined that it’s pain from a nerve in my spine. This, after all of these, “well, maybe it’s this….” makes SO much sense it’s not even funny. And it’s really not funny, because it’s all the time and there’s pretty much nothing I can do about it, short of stretching and sitting up real straight. Thanks, physical therapy! But at least I know the beast for sure now. And it ain’t that serious. So yay.
• The nice thing is, this has kicked me being excited about actually having the baby into high gear. It’s crazy how close it is and how real it is. This baby is coming. This little gal swimming around inside me will be a real person in a matter of weeks! Existing. Outside my body. Bein’ all cute and stuff. It’s insane. And insanely exciting!
• Jessa has become extremely attached to me and it’s really really cute. There have been tons of cuddles and rests on my lap and heads or paws on my belly. Either she’s reminding me of how cute she is so that I don’t forget once another little ball of cute comes into my life, or she’s soaking up her time now because she’s the smartest dog in the world and knows shit’s really gonna change. Awwww…poor little girl. I love her so.
• The place has been on the market and stuff is *fingers crossed* going well right now. That’s all I can really say about that.
• Today marks the month countdown to the beginning of my maternity leave. My last day is March 2. There is so much to do and get done and get settled before that happens…it’s kind of scary. I’m bad at delegating and I am an awful teacher so I’m truly not looking forward to the task of training the temp who will be coming in to do my job while I’m gone. There’s so much about a job that you just know. It’s just intrinsic in your day to day operations. it’s been learned and formulated and time-tested. This has been my job for almost four years. It’ll be hard to let it go for the three months…possibly forever, if I so choose (day care might prove to be more expensive than not having a job at all). And I’ll tell ya, my to-do list is frighteningly long. Sigh. I’ll get it done. I have no choice.
• I hate looking at myself in mirrors now. I hate feeling my legs in my jeans. I hate the way my bottom lip looks bigger and weirdly stretched. I seem to have missed the whole gorgeous hair during pregnancy thing…mine seems way darker than it’s been in years and not so lustrous (on the perk side, my skin is incredibly soft and I’ve barely had to shave my legs at all during this whole thing…interesting). Suffice it to say, I do not feel like myself. Jonny says I have never looked more beautiful and I’m grateful to him and his lies kindness. He’s a good husband. Yes he is. 

One day soon I’ll do a roundup of all of the wonders I’ve discovered about my pregnancy. I’ve bitched more than I’ve expressed its goodness…maybe because it’ll be easier not to miss this time in my life if I’m not looking through my rose-colored glasses. I’m like a child about to leave for college who pushes away her parents because it’s easier than saying goodbye. But I will miss this time. And I am sad that it’s almost over. That I cannot deny.

Anyway…that’s the deal. So much….like somuch stuff going on. And it’s all good….and scary. But good. I will make it through. Yes I will.