Overreactive sadness over here…
In my almost six years of living in Chicago, I’ve had one friend come to visit. Like a specific, I’m here to see YOU visit. My wedding doesn’t count. My best friend’s visits with her husband because her husband is from here don’t really count. I understand that as we get older, it becomes less likely that people will come to visit just to visit. They usually need another reason - a wedding, a work event, other people, family, etc. to make it worth flying on an airplane and trekking to see you. It’s not like it was when you were in school where…Oh! I’ll come visit and stay with you for the weekend and we’ll party and all that. We’re in our 30s. Shit just doesn’t go down like that anymore. So I get it and it’s all fine and dandy.
But here’s the thing.
I BUST. MY. ASS. when I visit home in NY to see people. Most of my friends live there and I make the effort to see as many of them as I can but it’s never like, I’m visiting, everyone come meet me here. I will go from Long Island to Manhattan to Brooklyn to Scarsdale to Jersey back to Long Island and then around again. And it’s my thing because I do it. I make that effort. I plan entire trips around where I need to be to see specific friends. I feel guilty that I can’t do it every time. And I know that’s me. That’s on my shoulders and I choose to do it and whatever.
It’s just…….for once, I would love it if one of my friends would say, I will come to YOU. Even when they’re here already for other purposes, I would love to not still be the one who’s running around to make the visit happen like I always am. Come into the city. Come stay at my place. Come and make seeing me a special, dedicated thing. But I guess I’ve trained them well…why make the effort if they know I always will?
And I’m not putting myself up on a pedestal and saying I’m the bestest friend and whatever, because I’m not (ask these same friends how long it takes me to return a phone call). And I’m not saying my friends are bad friends, because they’re not. But I do know that when it comes to this stuff…I show them just how important it is to me. And I wish I got that in return sometimes. But oh well.
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- fishy said: I hear you so hard.
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- wooliebear said: I know this feeling! A few of my friendships have lapsed because I was tired of making all the effort all the time. Esp. the traveling.
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