In the Saddle

Nelly

I’m in a very negative place these days. I am trying to pull myself out of it, but even when I think I’m doing okay, I’ll notice a thought or a snarl or a roll of the eyes before I can stop myself from thinking or doing it. I’m angry at things. I’m angry at people. I’m angry at life. Oh, and I’m angry at myself…let’s not forget that. Because that’s probably where the anger for everyone/thing else is coming from, really. I mean…let’s call a spade a spade.

I just can’t motivate. I can’t motivate myself to care. I look like shit. I feel like shit. I feel like my negativity is just seeping out of every pore and everyone can see it and feel it. I know some of the reasons why I’m feeling this way, but other reasons remain a mystery. Like, I don’t know why I’m this affected. Why I’m this up and down. Why highs are irrepressible silliness and laughter and lows are just bitchy, I-will-cut-you-with-a-glare attitude and sadness. There is in between, but it’s fleeting. Well, all of it is fleeting. Maybe that’s why I’m angry…cuz I don’t really know how I’ll feel in any given moment. I feel out of control.

Horribly, horribly out of control.

This is a very open post. But hey…

I’m gonna take my negative ass out of here to get a sammich. In the meantime, tell me things. Ask me questions. Get my mind off this shit. 

I’m serious…go ahead (click).